My final guest of the summer has gone home and my attention can now turn towards our next big adventure. The Cooks are on the move again! Well, short term anyway.
For those of you who don’t know, in the beginning of September my parents, Eli and I are going to Egypt for three months.
Why? I’m sure you are asking and there is no easy answer to this question. None of it really makes any sense at all. It’s even tricky to know where to start.
So, I guess I must start with Siwa.
Something happened in that temple in the mountain, some connection was forged that I can’t explain. Since then, Siwa has filled my awareness, gently flowing into my vision when I close my eyes. The bright desert and warm breeze. The blue of the water and the dusty-green palms. The feeling of a time outside of time. My heart feasts on the visions that rise like a mirage before me, as the wind whispers, “Siwa, Siwa, Siwa!” in my ear.
I don’t know what to expect. I come completely bare, to be moulded into something new and perhaps leave my own mark somehow. I only know that I hear the call and I must answer. I realise it makes little sense, not in a logical way but I am choosing to listen to the wisdom of spirit – and to take it one step at a time. This is my path after all.
Every time I scramble forward assessing variables on numerous possibilities, trying to hold a vision for the future, trying to make some sort of plan, I can’t seem to do it. I’m scrambled back into pieces and my inner voice says, “one step at a time, just take it one step at a time.”
And so, I am pulled back into the present, preparing to go away for three months. Back to Egypt, to answer the call. An ancient call. Deep in the desert. The magical desert - where you can touch the divine.
It’s also dusty, very dusty. 95% of the roads are sand, everything is covered in sand and you are surrounded by sand. There is no escaping the dust.
I was hanging my washing out on the line the other day (here in France) when I suddenly pulled up the memory of driving in the car with Ahmed, feeling the insides of my nose being all uncomfortably crusty and thinking about how living in Siwa long term would be tough on the respiratory system. I concluded back then that I wouldn’t like it and yet now I’m preparing to go and spend several weeks there with, I might add, the intention of maybe starting a business. How the tables have turned.
Don’t forget the dust, my mind wants to remind me. Duly noted, I tell it.
I go back to hanging my sheets out to dry and I’m grateful for my lush, French garden full of greenery and flowers. I’m sure to miss this when we are in the desert and I want to soak it up – this particular green and blue sky that is, it’s different over there.
I often wonder if hidden behind the sandy buffers of date palms and tall reeds, there are lush garden with tropical flowers, fruit trees and pools connected by small waterways that feed the delicate flowers. It would be like stepping into little garden of Eden pods. Mini ecosystems protected from the elements and unsuspecting eyes by a planted, buffer zone of sandy bush.
You would have no clue looking in from the outside but I like to imagine they are there. This unassuming buffer disguising the sweet, lushness held within. Like the flesh of a fruit, hidden within a rough skin, these pods are havens for life, bursting with colour and texture. It's the perfect balance to the starkness of the surrounding desert.
It must be tricky to dry sheets out there. I wonder how we’ll do it?
The things I’m most looking forward to about our trip to Egypt?
Well, firstly, I actually have to say that I’m really looking forward to spending time together as a family. I would like to play more games, maybe start a pranking war – good natured of course – and generally have more fun together. I sometimes worry that I’ve become too introverted and boring. I would like to have more life in the house again.
Otherwise, I am just - excited to be going back. I can’t explain it but it honestly makes my soul sing. When I think about being back in Egypt, it’s like my soul starts to glow a golden light and sand swirls around me as the light within me sings and shines brighter.
I need to answer this call.
The waters have come to me in my visions. These primordial waters, powerful and pure, writhing up, waiting to burst forth and flood the earth with their message.
Speak for us, they demand.
I will. Teach me how to see, so I can clearly see what you want spoken in words.
You do not need to learn; you just need to see, they say.
During the last couple of weeks, mum received a vision where she was holding her incense bowl (the incense she was gifted as her medicine during a powerful vision in the temple of Abydos) and she was told she had to take it to the temple in Siwa, the one in the mountain. And…I can’t remember the rest.
It's super exciting though.
We have missions. Two clear missions.
We have a calling. What happens beyond that is still unknown and that’s ok. It's seriously ok. Life doesn't have to be all planned out. There are other ways to engage with reality.
We are exploring the possibility of starting a retreat space in Siwa, so that is one possible thread of unfolding. One that seems to have some momentum for now.
One step at a time. One step at a time.
It feels like big things are going to happen in the desert. On many levels.
And I’m ready for it. So ready for it. I need this change. We need this change. It feels like we have been stuck for a long time and this is an opportunity for us to break free.
Dad and Eli are excited to be going away but they are equally apprehensive, for different reasons.
Dad is concerned about instability in the region and what would happen if things escalated. He is also desperate to feel secure and have a base somewhere.
I understand that completely and I would love to give him assurances that it will all work out and they will be fine but all that comes out is, “one step at a time, dad. One step at a time.”
It occurs to me that I sound like I’m his old mate, scratching my smashing, lightly greying beard whilst puffing on a fine pipe.
Although, I would like to state that my dad doesn’t have any grey hairs yet and he’s 76. Thank you, granny, for your good genes. I’m like him in the hair and chicken skin department, you see. It’s a good sign for what's to come.
Eli is concerned about not having good enough WIFI. He says it’s so he can keep his French Duolingo streak going but as much as I've assured him that I understand how important his Duolingo streak is to him, I sneakily suspect there are other reasons too.
From the outside it looks like he can’t fathom a world beyond the gamers world. I never realised how strong these online cultures are. I suppose, like all things, we forge identities around cultures and he is forging his around the interests of this gaming culture. I’m not particularly happy about it but I try to be a supportive yet gentle balancing factor in his life.
I am thrilled that Egypt will turn our lives upside down. That is what we need. We need our lives to be turned upside down. We need to be taken away from old patterns and placed in a completely new environment where we can explore whole new things. Expand our horizons. Find new things to try, to taste, to laugh about. To discover more things about each other and about the world. To love each other deeper.
This trip has come together almost effortlessly. The right people have come in to housesit and look after the animals. I’m finding that I’m pretty organised and only have minor things left to do, which feels freeing. I can move at a relaxed pace, nurturing myself as I go along, steadily moving, one step at a time towards my destiny.
That feels very dramatic and probably ridiculous but they are the words that came out.
I wonder how I will look back at those words in a year or two or ten.
Eighteen days and counting until we leave. Everyone is feeling the excitement now.
Considering the number of mice and birds Thutmose has been bringing me as gifts, I suspect he knows something is up.
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